The Blog of Jade and Ryan

I thought I'd make this a regular thing, maybe on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, where I'd show pictures from the past of what the last century thought we'd be like now. It really is interesting to see what they envisioned us being like. It's sometimes even depressing when they imagine us to be more advanced then we actually are.
In the 21st century, dragons will put out our fires and save our towns. Well, firemen dressed as dragons at least. Is this their sick idea of sexual future role playing? I guess we would've been so advanced, that we would have gotten rid of the petty, useless ladders in the world, and worked on sprouting wings. Apparently the firemen are also immune to the smoke fuming from the blaze and not to mention the unadvanced train's smoke below them. They definitely don't need masks. Not to mention, their clothes are awfully tight. Is this suggesting that maybe firemen of the future are a little feminine? They have absolutely no room to breath. Or maybe they don't want to breathe.

Last week you saw a design very similar to this with the people walking on water. This happens to be the same artist, only in this future depiction he combined a boat and a train together to form one massive, mighty train-boat! I'm guessing he didn't like his prediction very much because his train-boat is on fire. I don't know how they thought this would work. Would the tracks be all around the ocean floor, or would it just be on the shore so that trains could latch onto it when they need to go back on land? If it was just on the shore, wouldn't they have a hard time aligning the train-boat to the tracks considering there's a gigantic storm brewing with monstrous waves all around? But, hey, at least they tried. Too bad airplanes took over this dream. I'd love to sail around on one of these bad boys, and hopefully not catch fire.

A little over 50 years ago, a group of people made the prediction that this is what personal computers would look like in the year 2004. First of all, what the hell!? This looks like the inside of a submarine boat. Is there really a steering wheel there? Maybe they confused the term "hard-drive" for actually driving hard. And guess who the group of people who predicted this were. Scientists! Shows how much our scientists know: absolutely nothing. The funny thing is that in the caption for this picture it says, "the computer will be easy to use". Like hell! Would we really find this easy to use when it would probably take hours of pressing buttons and turning dials just to get it booted? Then you have to sit down in that big, clunky chair with the humongous type writer and fat television looming over your head. One thing they forgot to add was, HELLO, a computer monitor. I really hope they don't expect that chunky TV to be our monitor. Last thing we need in this world is a crooked neck. Oh dear scientists, keep trying. I bet even Bill Nye the science guy could've done a better job than you.

-Jade

For some reason today, on almost every channel I turned to there was some sort of show from the 90s. It seems for years ABC Family has been showing non stop re-runs of Full House, Saved By The Bell, Step by Step, and Family Matters. Will there ever be a time where they'll stop showing these? The funny thing is, every time I see one of them, I just sit there and stare in fascination. Even on Full House with their cheesy morals, I'm still hooked.

I was watching Saved By The Bell, probably one of the most unrealistic high school shows ever, and noticed that pretty much all the cast has gone on to be weirdo's. Normally in a show, one of them grows up to be a crazy mofo. In Full House, Jodie Sweeney went all druggie and got addicted to Crystal Meth, Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains became a Christian nut that tries to disprove every other religion, and Danielle Fichel from Boy Meets World is just straight up insane. You'd hope with SBTB (Saved By The Bell) that only one of them would be crazy, but this isn't the case.

Mario Lopez, Slater, after his jerry curl and dimple years were over, went on to probably have the longest career out of all the stars on the show. Not only that, but he married Ali Landry who was some sort of a Dorito's commercial hottie. I guess she wasn't enough for him because next thing you know she's asking for an annulment because of him cheating on her with multiple partners. Yikes. Apparently he hasn't stopped being a man-whore and probably has STDs by now.

Elizabeth Berkley, Jessie, is most known for her crazy scene in SBTB where she gets addicted to caffeine pills and starts going AWOL.

Her taking drugs and singing, "I'm so excited" was apparently not enough. She had to go get naked and wave her hoo-haw in everyone's faces. After her movie, Showgirls, was labeled an absolute failure, she decided to "bounce back" and redeem her image by creating an "Ask-Elizabeth" website for girls with self-esteem issues. Are little girls going to take one look at that picture and think, "Oh dear, I'm having self-esteem issues. I want to ask her a question to help fix my problems". Nice try, Elizabeth Berkley. You're better off sticking to your caffeine pills.





Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech, has probably the most hilarious before and after story. His days of puberty are definitely over. In 2006, he made a sex tape with a bride-to-be and bridesmaid clearly for publicity. His manager said that he hoped his client's status would be raised with this video. Of course, it wasn't. I'm pretty sure this is just creepy. It's definitely up there with the Mini-Me sex tape. How can you even take someone seriously and sexy when all you can remember is constant voice cracking and high pants from their teenage years? If that wasn't enough, he made a deal with some publisher to write a book about the dirty days of SBTB and what all the sinful things the cast members were involved in. So, he's a sex-a-holic, and a traitor. Thanks a lot, Screech.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Zach Morris, was the main douche on SBTB, not only was he a ladies man on the show, but he was one off too. In the entire series he not only dated all three girls: Jessie, Kelly, and Lisa, but he also dated all three in real life too. When he finished the show, he wanted to get as far away as possible from sitcom life, and headed towards greasy drama shows like NYPD Blue that no one ever cared about. After a while he started to look greasy himself. Changed his hair color, got rid of the smirky attitude, and developed some real balls. Yet, as much as he tries to run from his after-school special past, he will still always be remembered as that guy that thought he was too cool for school.

The other two, Tiffani Thiessen and Lark Voorhies (Kelly and Lisa), ended up to be alright so far. Tiffani went on to do Melrose Place and a few other shows, while Lark continued to shove her Jehovah's Witness beliefs in everyone's face. Although, Lark was apparently outed by a gossip magazine for taking drugs, but that ended up to be a sham after she sued them and won. Maybe there will be some juicy gossip about them in Dustin's "tell all" book that'll probably never be released. I don't know about you, but I want to hear all the dirty gossip on Mr. Belding. Ohhhh yeah.

-Jade

The other day I broke down and bought a Nintendo DS. I couldn't pass up the allure of the various mind puzzle games they had for this system, as that is one of my weaknesses. Having had it for a couple days now, I realized that it was filling time that used to be filled with my own thoughts. Time spent just before dinner is ready, or as a passenger in a vehicle, etc…Instead of utilizing down time contemplating various subjects of interest or coming up with fun ways to think of things around me, I now find myself playing Brain Age or some other game. That made me start to think (or, kept me from thinking about until recently) how much of our intelligence and creativity is being lost as a result of portable media.

I remember road trips as a child being a much more fun experience for me than my parents. We would play games like road sign bingo, out-of-state plates, and what does that cloud look like. Whereas these games were merely designed as a means to get me to shut up and stop asking dumb questions, it really did a lot more. It mandated the use of thought and creativity. I had to remember what road signs I needed, or what states I had already seen license plates from. I had to create in my mind that the cloud that looked so similar to every other cloud actually did look like Mickey Mouse. Today, life has become easier for the parent, as many vehicles are coming equipped with DVD players in the back seat, in which the same company that brought you the Mickey Mouse you saw in the cloud, is now bring your kids all the entertainment they want, without them having to even think to get it.

This change isn't only present in the way we raise our kids, but in the way we raise ourselves as well. Games for both the Nintendo DS as well as the PSP are targeting adults as well as kids. The PSP even has full length movies you can spend your time watching anywhere you want. Devices like the iPOD touch and the Blackberry have absorbed the time of adults everywhere. This time used to be absorbed by just being alone with out thoughts. Whether consciously or not, the brain is constantly processing different things, and making connections out of the stimulus it receives. When that time is spent with pre-formulated stimulus, it no longer has the randomness, which restricts the breadth of what we have experienced, and the connections our brain can make.

Next time you are at an airport or a doctor's office waiting room, compare the amount of people that are reading a book to the number that are using their cell phones to browse the internet or text message. Next time you're on a highway and pass vehicles with kids in the back, compare the number of kids that are looking out the windows at the clouds and license plates to the number looking at PSPs or DVD players. Seeing how much or our society has given into this new portable media craze may make you think about how much time we really dedicate just to our thoughts; or maybe, you'll be too busy reading this blog on your iPhone to think about it at all.

I went on a future kick today to see what people from the century before and further thought we'd be like today. We all think we're so advanced now, but clearly they thought we'd be even more advanced. It's almost depressing to see, but still really enjoyable. I found a ton of photos and would like to share some.

On the left is the 1900's depiction of what we'd be like in the year 2000. Apparently, we'd want to mimic Jesus and stroll along the water. Of course, we still wouldn't be advanced enough to hover, so we'd use balloons attached to us instead. Almost there, guys! Sort of. We also would be still wearing turn of the century clothing. I guess they were so amazed at the thought of riding horses on water, that they forgot to update the fashion. But, hey! I'd definitely love to wear those socks that man is wearing riding the paddle water bike. Very hip!
The 1950s has been known for their curiosity of the future. Why? Perhaps their present was so sexist and single-minded that they needed some sort of hope of advancement. Who knows. In the picture on the left, a "housewife" is shown watering her couch. Why? Well, to clean it of course. The caption reads, "Because everything in her home is waterproof, the housewife of 2000 can do her daily cleaning with a hose." It's great how they perceived the future with women still being repressed, but over all this is pretty accurate! Who doesn't have a drain right in the middle of their living room? If you don't, then I don't know what planet you're from.
In the late 1800s, the Statue of Liberty will be used as a means to shamelessly plug and advertise businesses. What kind of monsters are we that we'd advertise with no respect to our monuments and tourist attractions?
At least they were kind enough to give our Lady Liberty an umbrella, cool sunglasses, and a hat to give her some shade from the blistering hot, aging sun of 2000. Oh wait, they have ads on them too. I guess not everything is perfect! Not only that, but in her left arm is a bottle of booze. I guess she'd have to be a drunk with all those pieces of paper stuck on her like a memo board. I wonder how many more decades it'll take to get to the point where we're advertising products on our national monuments. 10 bucks says in the year 2050 Mount Rushmore will be covered with television screens playing Billy Mays infomercial products on a continuous loop. I can't wait.

-Jade

Yesterday, as I do on the 15th of every month, I went to pay certain bills that happen to be due. Apparently when I get paid, other people expect to get paid too. One of these people is CitiCards. I have a credit card through them, and once a month I pay them some money, as that is what I am contractually bound to do. Well, yesterday when I log in, I see a notice in bright red letters that says something to the effect of "your account security may have been compromised; we have restricted online account access, and have issued you a new card. Please call customer service to make any changes to your account." So of course, my first instinct is to panic, as I am thinking all of the 900 number charges must have set off some fraud alert. But, I calm down and decide to call customer service, if for nothing else, just to pay my bill.

So I call the number listed, and am instantly greeted by a "voice recognition response system" that doesn't understand I word I am saying. I never learn with these things though, and I always try to speak hoping this one understands me. I will say something like "Make a payment" and it will reply "Did you say 'Add another authorized user to this account?" It's no wonder my account was able to be compromised with default suggestions like these. So I resort to pushing buttons, which I am equally bad at, as my fingers are larger than the buttons, my credit card number is 16 digits long, and the "close enough" standard doesn't apply. So, I finally get through the introduction (name, card number, why are you calling, who is your daddy and what does he do, etc...) and they are ready to help me. I push the option to pay my bill. It then informs me that they will be charging me a $14.95 fee for using this service. I quickly reply "are you out of your mind?" to which they reply "did you say 'send a cash advance to another cardholder?" So I navigate back to the main menu and press the right secret combination (***000###) to get to a real person.

After enough time on hold that I could have hunted down and killed the person that compromised my account, a person comes on the other end of the line. This gentleman technically speaks English, though I can understand him about as well as the automated system could understand me. So he then proceeds to ask me all the questions that I already answered for the computer, which begs the question where did they send all that information to when I just answered it? So, I answer his questions the best I can, and he asks how he can help me. I explain to him the notice I saw when I logged on, as well as my concern about the 900 numbers, to which he replied "no need to worry sir, this was a whole batch of accounts that was affected, not just yours." Oh, that makes me feel much better. Thanks for putting my mind at ease. Glad to know it wasn't a freak occurrence, but incompetence on the part of the company. At any rate, he allows me to make my payment over the phone without paying the $14.95, and asks me if there will be anything else he can help me with. I tell him no, and he says, "and I trust your new card has arrived already." I tell him it has not and he says he would like to verify my address. Amazingly enough they have my old address, which they have now just sent a credit card to. I tell him I have moved and he replies, "Sir, I must stress to you the importance of keeping your address up to date." Excuse me? Allow me to stress to you the importance of not allowing my personal information and card number to get compromised. It's probably a good thing I didn't tell you I moved, otherwise you probably would have let that information be compromised too. So he was nice enough to update my address for me, and cancel the card that was no doubt already in the hands of the person who moved into my previous place.

From what they say, I should see my new card in 5-10 business days. I can't wait to see whose card they send me, as I am sure it is just going to be a random person from the compromised batch. Maybe a person that used to live here, but has since moved, and never had the importance of updating their address stressed to them. If anyone out there receives my card by mistake, I would appreciate it if you would forward it to me. My address and personal information is probably for sale somewhere by now, so it shouldn't be hard to find me.

-Ryan

I was watching TV the other day and I see a Wendy's commercial for the Baconator. It looked so damn good that I had to go get one myself. I mean, look at that (to the left), it looks amazing!
So, I go get one of these and open it and find something along the lines of this (below):
What the hell? Where's my billowy hamburger? Instead I get this pile of deflated sludge that could pass as Joan Rivers the day before going in for botox. Don't get me wrong, I'll eat anything, but I want to know how they make their burgers look so good for the commercial and then we get this crap as the actual food. Has our society actually come to photoshopping food?

Here's another example of a commercial presentation versus reality.

KFC's Famous Bowl:

Yes, thank you for my Bowl of CRAP. It's great to know I can find a place that actually makes my corn float in gravy soup. Just what I've been looking for. Yet at the end of the day, even with deflated burgers and soupy fried chicken, these places are making loads of money off of us. Though they're all slack and can't cook, I still want their food. It's like watching Super Size Me and seeing the guy throw up after super sizing his McDonald's, but yet you're strangely craving a McMuffin.

If you want to see more comparisons of Food ads and real food, check out this website:
Fast Food: Ads vs. Reality

-Jade

Hello everyone, I'm Ryan, and I make up half of this blog. This should be a pretty fun experiment, as this can still go in many different directions. Sometimes, you will see just random posts about something on my mind, other times, there will be pontifications on something going on in the news, or maybe just a random topic. Some posts will be funny, some will be serious, and some will probably contain many typos, or just not make sense at all. We call those posts "profound" and "thought-provoking" and try to stay clear of terms like "nonsensical." There is no doubt in my mind that you will quickly see the difference in Jade's and my writing styles, as well as our take on things. This is going to be a fun trip, and I'm glad you've decided to come along for the ride.
-Ryan

I'm the other half! This was all Ryan's idea of making a joint blog. I feel like this is going to be pretty schizo, but it should be fun. I'm Jade. Many of you know that I am 2 feet tall, green skin, and have a taste for only cheese products. But this isn't a dating advertisement! Like Ryan said, I'm not sure what I'll post, just random things to do with what's going on or has gone on in this world. It should be interesting as Ryan and I have very different personalities, but at the same time are very much the same, which is why we get along so well. So, we'd love you all to check back and see what we come up with.
-Jade