The Blog of Jade and Ryan

I thought I'd make this a regular thing, maybe on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, where I'd show pictures from the past of what the last century thought we'd be like now. It really is interesting to see what they envisioned us being like. It's sometimes even depressing when they imagine us to be more advanced then we actually are.
In the 21st century, dragons will put out our fires and save our towns. Well, firemen dressed as dragons at least. Is this their sick idea of sexual future role playing? I guess we would've been so advanced, that we would have gotten rid of the petty, useless ladders in the world, and worked on sprouting wings. Apparently the firemen are also immune to the smoke fuming from the blaze and not to mention the unadvanced train's smoke below them. They definitely don't need masks. Not to mention, their clothes are awfully tight. Is this suggesting that maybe firemen of the future are a little feminine? They have absolutely no room to breath. Or maybe they don't want to breathe.

Last week you saw a design very similar to this with the people walking on water. This happens to be the same artist, only in this future depiction he combined a boat and a train together to form one massive, mighty train-boat! I'm guessing he didn't like his prediction very much because his train-boat is on fire. I don't know how they thought this would work. Would the tracks be all around the ocean floor, or would it just be on the shore so that trains could latch onto it when they need to go back on land? If it was just on the shore, wouldn't they have a hard time aligning the train-boat to the tracks considering there's a gigantic storm brewing with monstrous waves all around? But, hey, at least they tried. Too bad airplanes took over this dream. I'd love to sail around on one of these bad boys, and hopefully not catch fire.

A little over 50 years ago, a group of people made the prediction that this is what personal computers would look like in the year 2004. First of all, what the hell!? This looks like the inside of a submarine boat. Is there really a steering wheel there? Maybe they confused the term "hard-drive" for actually driving hard. And guess who the group of people who predicted this were. Scientists! Shows how much our scientists know: absolutely nothing. The funny thing is that in the caption for this picture it says, "the computer will be easy to use". Like hell! Would we really find this easy to use when it would probably take hours of pressing buttons and turning dials just to get it booted? Then you have to sit down in that big, clunky chair with the humongous type writer and fat television looming over your head. One thing they forgot to add was, HELLO, a computer monitor. I really hope they don't expect that chunky TV to be our monitor. Last thing we need in this world is a crooked neck. Oh dear scientists, keep trying. I bet even Bill Nye the science guy could've done a better job than you.

-Jade

For some reason today, on almost every channel I turned to there was some sort of show from the 90s. It seems for years ABC Family has been showing non stop re-runs of Full House, Saved By The Bell, Step by Step, and Family Matters. Will there ever be a time where they'll stop showing these? The funny thing is, every time I see one of them, I just sit there and stare in fascination. Even on Full House with their cheesy morals, I'm still hooked.

I was watching Saved By The Bell, probably one of the most unrealistic high school shows ever, and noticed that pretty much all the cast has gone on to be weirdo's. Normally in a show, one of them grows up to be a crazy mofo. In Full House, Jodie Sweeney went all druggie and got addicted to Crystal Meth, Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains became a Christian nut that tries to disprove every other religion, and Danielle Fichel from Boy Meets World is just straight up insane. You'd hope with SBTB (Saved By The Bell) that only one of them would be crazy, but this isn't the case.

Mario Lopez, Slater, after his jerry curl and dimple years were over, went on to probably have the longest career out of all the stars on the show. Not only that, but he married Ali Landry who was some sort of a Dorito's commercial hottie. I guess she wasn't enough for him because next thing you know she's asking for an annulment because of him cheating on her with multiple partners. Yikes. Apparently he hasn't stopped being a man-whore and probably has STDs by now.

Elizabeth Berkley, Jessie, is most known for her crazy scene in SBTB where she gets addicted to caffeine pills and starts going AWOL.

Her taking drugs and singing, "I'm so excited" was apparently not enough. She had to go get naked and wave her hoo-haw in everyone's faces. After her movie, Showgirls, was labeled an absolute failure, she decided to "bounce back" and redeem her image by creating an "Ask-Elizabeth" website for girls with self-esteem issues. Are little girls going to take one look at that picture and think, "Oh dear, I'm having self-esteem issues. I want to ask her a question to help fix my problems". Nice try, Elizabeth Berkley. You're better off sticking to your caffeine pills.





Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech, has probably the most hilarious before and after story. His days of puberty are definitely over. In 2006, he made a sex tape with a bride-to-be and bridesmaid clearly for publicity. His manager said that he hoped his client's status would be raised with this video. Of course, it wasn't. I'm pretty sure this is just creepy. It's definitely up there with the Mini-Me sex tape. How can you even take someone seriously and sexy when all you can remember is constant voice cracking and high pants from their teenage years? If that wasn't enough, he made a deal with some publisher to write a book about the dirty days of SBTB and what all the sinful things the cast members were involved in. So, he's a sex-a-holic, and a traitor. Thanks a lot, Screech.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Zach Morris, was the main douche on SBTB, not only was he a ladies man on the show, but he was one off too. In the entire series he not only dated all three girls: Jessie, Kelly, and Lisa, but he also dated all three in real life too. When he finished the show, he wanted to get as far away as possible from sitcom life, and headed towards greasy drama shows like NYPD Blue that no one ever cared about. After a while he started to look greasy himself. Changed his hair color, got rid of the smirky attitude, and developed some real balls. Yet, as much as he tries to run from his after-school special past, he will still always be remembered as that guy that thought he was too cool for school.

The other two, Tiffani Thiessen and Lark Voorhies (Kelly and Lisa), ended up to be alright so far. Tiffani went on to do Melrose Place and a few other shows, while Lark continued to shove her Jehovah's Witness beliefs in everyone's face. Although, Lark was apparently outed by a gossip magazine for taking drugs, but that ended up to be a sham after she sued them and won. Maybe there will be some juicy gossip about them in Dustin's "tell all" book that'll probably never be released. I don't know about you, but I want to hear all the dirty gossip on Mr. Belding. Ohhhh yeah.

-Jade

I went on a future kick today to see what people from the century before and further thought we'd be like today. We all think we're so advanced now, but clearly they thought we'd be even more advanced. It's almost depressing to see, but still really enjoyable. I found a ton of photos and would like to share some.

On the left is the 1900's depiction of what we'd be like in the year 2000. Apparently, we'd want to mimic Jesus and stroll along the water. Of course, we still wouldn't be advanced enough to hover, so we'd use balloons attached to us instead. Almost there, guys! Sort of. We also would be still wearing turn of the century clothing. I guess they were so amazed at the thought of riding horses on water, that they forgot to update the fashion. But, hey! I'd definitely love to wear those socks that man is wearing riding the paddle water bike. Very hip!
The 1950s has been known for their curiosity of the future. Why? Perhaps their present was so sexist and single-minded that they needed some sort of hope of advancement. Who knows. In the picture on the left, a "housewife" is shown watering her couch. Why? Well, to clean it of course. The caption reads, "Because everything in her home is waterproof, the housewife of 2000 can do her daily cleaning with a hose." It's great how they perceived the future with women still being repressed, but over all this is pretty accurate! Who doesn't have a drain right in the middle of their living room? If you don't, then I don't know what planet you're from.
In the late 1800s, the Statue of Liberty will be used as a means to shamelessly plug and advertise businesses. What kind of monsters are we that we'd advertise with no respect to our monuments and tourist attractions?
At least they were kind enough to give our Lady Liberty an umbrella, cool sunglasses, and a hat to give her some shade from the blistering hot, aging sun of 2000. Oh wait, they have ads on them too. I guess not everything is perfect! Not only that, but in her left arm is a bottle of booze. I guess she'd have to be a drunk with all those pieces of paper stuck on her like a memo board. I wonder how many more decades it'll take to get to the point where we're advertising products on our national monuments. 10 bucks says in the year 2050 Mount Rushmore will be covered with television screens playing Billy Mays infomercial products on a continuous loop. I can't wait.

-Jade

I was watching TV the other day and I see a Wendy's commercial for the Baconator. It looked so damn good that I had to go get one myself. I mean, look at that (to the left), it looks amazing!
So, I go get one of these and open it and find something along the lines of this (below):
What the hell? Where's my billowy hamburger? Instead I get this pile of deflated sludge that could pass as Joan Rivers the day before going in for botox. Don't get me wrong, I'll eat anything, but I want to know how they make their burgers look so good for the commercial and then we get this crap as the actual food. Has our society actually come to photoshopping food?

Here's another example of a commercial presentation versus reality.

KFC's Famous Bowl:

Yes, thank you for my Bowl of CRAP. It's great to know I can find a place that actually makes my corn float in gravy soup. Just what I've been looking for. Yet at the end of the day, even with deflated burgers and soupy fried chicken, these places are making loads of money off of us. Though they're all slack and can't cook, I still want their food. It's like watching Super Size Me and seeing the guy throw up after super sizing his McDonald's, but yet you're strangely craving a McMuffin.

If you want to see more comparisons of Food ads and real food, check out this website:
Fast Food: Ads vs. Reality

-Jade